Inside Shikamaru's head
by glockcourage
Summary: Summary: Just Shikamaru strategizing to get away from danger.
1. Inside Shikamaru's head

Disclaimer: Naruto is owned by Kishimoto

**Inside Shikamaru's head**

**Mission:** More terrifying than an S-ranked.

**The Objective:** To infiltrate the Nara Residence in order to reach _The Bed_.

**The Obstacle:** Just one. A deadly kunoichi.

**Plan A:** Enter through the third bedroom window. Cross to the dresser. Take cover. Tiptoe to bed. May use _Kagemane no Jutsu _as a last resort.

**The Possible Scenarios:**

1. The kunoichi may still be awake. She may attack with that wind jutsu of hers. She may wreck the Nara Residence. Will bring the worst scenario since this will involve the meddling of the senior female Nara. Avoid at all cost.

2. The kunoichi is asleep already. Proceed with caution. If she awakes bind her with the shadow technique. Limitation of this plan: she will struggle against the shadow and I can only hold it for a few minutes. Possible retribution would be immense.

3. The kunoichi is not inside the room. Already the worst scenario.

3.A The kunoichi probably travelled back to Suna. Increase number of obstacles forthcoming. Possible result: death either by sand asphyxiation, puppet encasement or fan manglement.

3.B The kunoichi went to the other room. The kunoichi would have found an ally in the older Nara woman. Death may not be as quick as in scenario 3.A but probably it would be more painful.

3.C The kunoichi cannot be found. The worst of the worst of all the scenarios. Planning for this would be considered highly extensive and troublesome. Worry quotient would be the highest. Result the most unpredictable. Death may be preferable. Good thing this one is highly improbable.

**Plan B:** Say sorry and offer my head for that tessen blow. Be whipped. Tch this plan sucks.

**Plan C:** Ignore her and enter the bedroom through the door. Act as if nothing has gone wrong. It is just the celebration of the kunoichi's first wedding anniversary. She can still celebrate it if she has really wanted to. My presence is just superfluous. The kunoichi may not see it that way. This plan may actually make her angrier. Cross out this plan.

**Plan D:** Give a peace offering probably flowers and a promise that I won't be late again. Seems impossible to keep and the kunoichi would probably think so too. Possible recurrence of the same situation in the future would be high and the promise would only worsen the situation later on. And the Yamanaka flower shop is already closed at this time.

**Plan E:** Back to plan B with slight revision. Say sorry. Don't proffer the head to be strike by the fan though. Don't be whipped. Yeah a good plan but it wouldn't work. The kunoichi would demand retribution.

**Plan F:** Minor revision to plan B again. Don't say sorry. Just present the head to be hit with the big folding fan of hers and say that you both will call it even. Chance of this plan working is slim. But this plan is the most advisable since it won't be as whipped as plan B…Tch not as whipped… Who the hell am I kidding?

**Decision:** Tch just proceed with Plan F. Don't mention the reason for being late. Admitting you forgot would be similar to committing suicide. As it is prepare self for intense pain.

_Oh kami here I go..._

11/16,20/10

A/N: Yay, my 20th posted fic! Hope people would continue to read my stories and give me reviews even for my old ones. Thanks!


	2. Inside Temari's Heart

**Inside Temari's heart**

Inside Temari's heart is love and forgiveness. And whoever believes that, doesn't know her. Temari is seething inside, her blood boiling, thinking up ways to punish her husband of one year.

Now, the ass is probably strategizing how to get out of this. No. He won't get out of this with just a few scratches. He's gonna bleed and he's gonna beg.

I, Nara Temari, am gonna consider my options carefully, or that lazy ass will feel like he gets off lightly.

Option 1: I'm gonna hit him with my fan and if he dares to stop me, I'm gonna hit him some more until I break something—probably a finger or two. Can't break more than that… _a pity_. Broken arms will mean me feeding him. Broken ribs will mean him staying home. Just no.

Oh wait…_Damn!_ I think he'll probably expect this... I don't want to be called predictable now, will I?

Option 2: Hitting him is out. How about withheld to him his husbandly rights? He'll come crawling after not having it for a week... _Come on, Temari!_ That will be like spitting on your own face. _NO! NO!_ _Double no!_

Option 3: _Damn it_, I can only think of one option. Hit him. Hit him hard!

How about if I cry? Just crocodile tears, of course. He'll definitely not see that coming. _Gah, Temari!_ You're not that good enough actress to pull this one off. He'll probably just laugh...Hmn wonder how he will look if I cry for real? _Hmp _he'll probably cry with me, that crybaby! Why the hell did I marry him anyway?

Option 4: Give him the silent treatment...No talking. No bashing. No nothing. I think this will be extremely hard. Let me think about this. Can I do this? I wonder..._Come on Temari, what else?_

Option 5: Leave him? _Whatever for?!_ I love the lazyass. _No, you don't. _Yes, I do! Now, shut up. I can't think.

Option 6: Tell him the truth; that you are hurt that he wasn't here to celebrate this special day. _Like I will have a heart to heart talk with him and get mushy and stuff?_ Oh please. Get real. That gives me the creeps. But that's the idea. He'll feel uncomfortable. Yeah, but I will feel embarrassed. So no!

Option 7: Look at you. You're talking to and negating yourself. Breathe…Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Now, that you are calm, _what else?_

…Tell him the news. _Yeah, why not?_ Oh wait, the door is being opened.

And I can't help it, I just have to blurt it out, "Oi, Shika! I have good news and you blew it. I was going to tell you I'm pregnant. But I changed my mind. I'm not pregnant. If I get huge just ignore it. It's just your imagination. And I hate you! You stupid jerk! It was going to be a wonderful surprise and you blew it! So I'm going to tell _my _child her father is an asshole when it's born. And if you are absent during its birth I'm gonna kill you! You hear that!...By the way _Happy Anniversary_! Now, close your mouth and kiss me!

—o0o—

~1/19/11AF P 3 31 12 then 3 5 13~

A/N: Yep, you've seen this before ~I think it's re-uploaded for the third time now~

As always, reviews, comments and concrits are appreciated!


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